30ish & No Kids Yet - An Uncomfortable Tag

This post was long overdue on 30ish, may be uncomfortable but important to be discussed. I write this blog completely unbiased with highest regard towards all women (single/married/mothers). We are endlessly discussed and spoken for, its time we speak for ourselves.

Women are gradually taking up new roles, being a mother is her ultimate calling no doubt but if she needs time then there shouldn't be a need to justify. Women in their 30's are being separated into two groups- mothers & childfree and surprisingly they are struggling to find a common ground. Some women are ready at 22 and some ain't ready until 32, too personal to be debated. 

Life Hack: Child, planning a child, no child - All these decisions belong to the couple and no one else.

All my work revolves around kids, I love them but every individual has a personal threshold for sharing their life and nurturing a child. Being a mother is a tough journey, I respect your struggle then why don't you respect my hustle?Every time you ask her ‘so when are you planning’ even before checking on ‘how is she doing’ it puts her on the back foot. 

Uncomfortable assumptions people make:

They mustn’t be getting along

She is too career minded

Something is surely wrong

They want to live like college students forever

The age old 'So whats the good news', could mean news things like you starting a new business, planning an adventure trip around  South America, helping our society live better. We belong to a very interesting millennium lets live and love more without putting each other down.

I respect all women who are unapologetic about their decisions, 30ish fights stereotypes and proudly promotes sisterhood, write to us if you would like to discuss anything on this forum.
  

Jailed For Love - Life After Prison, A True Story

I have been attempting to write this story since 2 months, tried various options to get to the jail authorities and lawyers but nobody wants to talk about it. Any conversation regarding the rights of the prisoners sparks a debate, ‘why should we worry about them?' agreed, but what about the ones who are being punished due to a delay in judgement and spend years being an under trial. Our society does not forgive them even after they have served their term for being guilty. In most cases even their own families avoid contact and support. 

Life Hack: There is a strong nexus of unspoken politics, crime, and bribe that exists within these jails you have to really ‘up’ your survival game. 

This is the story of Nagma (name changed), she was married at the age of 22 in UP. “Amitabh Bachchan was also born in Allahabad, but his kismet made him a super star and mine made me a criminal”.  I asked her the reason and she replied in a very poetic yet tragic tone “Pyaar Ke Liye”, I wanted a good life with my husband, he introduced me to an easy way of making money, initially I smuggled small packets of drugs unaware but by the time I realised the mess, it was too late. As time progressed he got very abusive and difficult, I was balancing guilt, a new born child and a drunk husband at the same time. 

Then something I feared for months finally happened, I was caught in a big raid which turned my life upside down. If you are seized, you are left on your own nobody comes forward, even my husband left me with the fear of getting caught himself. 

Nagma spent almost 5 years in the prison, out of which 2 years were under trial. Her daughter was with her throughout as she was completely dependant on her. According to the Indian jurisdiction, the child can accompany the mother in the jail till the age of 6years. “ I do not know if it was good or bad” my daughter was raised behind the bars, for no fault of hers. She was fed and looked after better than my relatives would but she thinks, jail is her real home because no one talks to us when we are free. 

Nagma’s story is a reflection of what most of these women go through once they are released from the prison. I really believe in letting people recover emotionally, just because you did something bad, doesn't mean you are a bad person. We need to give them opportunities to reintegrate with the society. Nagma is going to help me (PhotoblogHER) with body positive workshops in schools, she wants to be a part of the society in a constructive way in the hope that this might give her daughter a normal childhood. 

We judge people too soon, every struggle always has a reason, she committed the crime for the love of her life and now she wants to be a better person for the love of her child. If they are willing to make a positive change give them a chance because no one is perfect. 
*****
Nagma's story was covered by C4N News and Speaking Tree, within 24 hours I received emails from readers across India who genuinely wanted to help them. One of them has offered to help her daughter with education and child development. Every step in the right direction deserves an applause.

C4N News Link: http://bit.ly/1TXB2K2
  

Eves'dropping - The joy of making audacious plans

Women benefit from many changes in their life, work and beyond. We share our vulnerabilities and experiences to form support groups for each other. This is extremely personal, each one is an important member of the circle. Listen and inspire each other through experience and love.  Confidence gives us what we want, builds us, protects us, hold it tight like your life depends on it, because it does.

Life Hack: Eves'dropping is going to listen to you with a woman's sensibilities 

 Visit: poojakochar.in

 What is Eves'dropping?

Eves'dropping is an initiative that connects and empowers women entrepreneurs, it took a community to get here. Every start-up has its own struggles and path, but there is lots we can learn from each other. We unite women on their core strength of character and desire to disrupt boundaries. I am creating a space which allows you to experiment and grow your network through strong conversations and interesting workshops.

Our first workshop was hosted this March'2016, 

Eves'dropping is on a multi city tour, we are visiting Hyderabad on 29th April. I am in awe of women who look beyond themselves because my purpose is bigger than me. You can drop an email  at 30ish.blogging@gmail.com to be a part of our May workshop in Mumbai.

  

Catcall is not a compliment

“If you insult me within 5 seconds of calling me beautiful you are violating my space”

Do you remember the first time someone came so close, that it made you sink within. Did you go home angry and want to punch him for touching you in a crowded bus? or on your way back from school?

Life Hack: You expect it to happen but it doesn't stop you from getting angry. We have a burden to protect ourselves all the time

No matter how confident and outgoing a woman is, thinking about her first encounter with street harassment will always get her unsettled. I asked women on twitter to leave a comment about their first uncomfortable touch and it was surprising to see how much anger they held within even after so many years.

During catcalls, the harasser encroaches the personal space of the woman and forces her to be apprehensive about every stranger. There are surprisingly high number of people who do not see the distinction between a compliment and a catcall, this will only get worse if we remain silent about such issues.

Problems without names tend to stay inadequately addressed, street harassment always starts with something verbal, an uncomfortable word or gesture is the beginning of an unpleasant experience. I wish we treated our women and trees with more dignity, after all they do have an equal right to public spaces.
  

WIfeFI Connecting

We are discussing the transformation stage. This post is not going to glorify the ladies, neither is it going to bash the men. It's just me, tickling the lighter side because every good relationship has one. 

Life Hack (Peacock version): There’s no IDEA that can change your wife, so stop being a pirate and just settle down.

We asked the ladies their version of this transformation. Top 2 concerns.

What happened to the romance?

I thought, it was going to be exciting

Gentlemen’s club

I am “NUTS” about you, this is romantic!

You are my 'butter half', this is exciting errrr..

Not a relationship expert, every couple has their own dynamics. A good laugh will just make you great friends that’s what matters, right? Every human love's differently, if we accept this then WIfeFI will be as exciting as free WIFI.
  

Wanna'preneur?

Wanna'preneur is a syndrome that makes you believe that being an entrepreneur is going to solve all your problems.

Life Hack: No one can fire you… you can’t quit either.

Reality Check

Lets get it straight, every entrepreneur has his “I do not wannapreneur days” they are almost equal to the actual number of days you spend being happy about your kick (your own) ass move. 

Stuff like Aamir Khan’s opinion on 'intolerance', and Modi’s global tours makes no difference to your life. You are beyond social trolls.

Self doubt is going to be your new hobby, it's just the way it is.

A good sense of humor is going to add balance to your emotional turmoil. It won't make you happy but stronger. (most imp tip)

Super Power Dismantled

You will grow as a person, and find capacity that didn’t know was possible. Every time someone puts you down you will find more energy to bounce back. Every knock gets you more stubborn about your goal. Its a space that will test every inch of your persistence. Bend, but do not break (no pun intended)

CAUTION: Not for the weak heart. 

If you have a survival tip, please leave a comment for my readers.
  

Dil*wali Diwali

Airports are packed, everyone is trying to get home. Online portals and App's are promising best deals, crazy jams are making sure you spend maximum time being “30ish and stuck in traffic”. 

Imagine a hypothetical situation, what if lord Rama was returning from his exile in 2015 (2001 to 2015). He would definitely be offered a wild card entry into BigBoss season 9 because they need to jumpstart TRP’s. Sita’s entry song would be “Prem Ratan Dhan Payo” and her jewellery will be sponsored by TBZ. Snap Deal, Amazon and Pepper Fry will be event partners. Google Maps shall track his exact location. How confused Rama would be? India has changed drastically in 14 years of his absence, we are embracing consumerism in full glory.

Life Hack

Dimaag - Mere paas saare amazing patake hai.

Dil - Mere pass maachis hai beta

Blogger’s are pushing products left, right and centre for diwali discounts, I refuse to join the band wagon because there is no discount for a blog that talks deeper than fashion and lifestyle. So, 30ish is going to talk to you about a Real Deal - I mean Real Dil :D 

This Diwali, follow your heart. If there was this one thing that was always on your bucket list but never got real, sort that. Let the rocket of your dreams take off, gift yourself the courage to dream big.

Blogger’s are pushing products left, right and centre for diwali discounts, I refuse to join the band wagon because there is no discount for a blog that talks deeper than fashion and lifestyle. So, 30ish is going to talk to you about a Real Deal - I mean Real Dil :D 

This Diwali, follow your heart. If there was this one thing that was always on your bucket list but never got real, sort that. Let the rocket of your dreams take off, gift yourself the courage to dream big.

Statutory Warning: This post is not sponsored by Big Boss, Snapdeal, Amazon, Pepperfry, TBZ, Google or Salman Khan. It's a property of Mumbai traffic jams, because that’s what sparked this IDEA. No no, Idea Cellular hasn’t sponsored it either. You get the drift!
  

Mom @30ish, congratulations you a warrior

Featured by #YouthKiAwaaz, 30ish and PhotoblogHER are challenging conventional beauty through photography 

Article Link: http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2015/11/photographing-young-mothers/ 

Every mother is fighting a silent battle. I am very attached to one of my projects #PhotoblogHER, where  I narrate the story of her motherhood through photographs. Moments of her holding the baby, telling them stories, building their dreams is what stays back as a priceless memory. This post is a reflection of my interactions with all the mothers in the past 6 months. 

#Life Hack: Imperfections make us unforgettable, they remind us of our struggles and our victory. Ask a mother to define her stretch marks and she will say, ‘a beautiful battle’ where I won. 

New mom’s apologise “Sorry I am not in the best shape, but can you make me look slimmer, prettier, sexier”. My reply surely, we can work on the lighting and angles. But the fact is that no photoshop will hide her battle lines. They are her identity. 

It’s a very difficult space, food, career, relationships and social pressure are always playing hide and seek. The only way to fight back is to accept it. Your beauty is beyond your insecurities and the texture of your skin. As a woman, I love your stretch marks, dark circles, love handles and cellulite..because thats life.

Bloggers are supposed to be influencers. This power should be used to tell women across the globe that their body type does not need a stamp from the society. You are not a fruit basket.. apples and pears are for the farmers market. A mother will always choose strength, thats your reality.

Leave your comments & share the post, it will inspire other women. 

Love and Grace

30ish

  

Intellectual Freedom, I am the change - Living Local

This article has been published in Living Local, August 2015 Issue

http://www.livinglocalmag.com/articles/patriotism-is-progressive-30ish-blog.html

Patriotism in 2015, expects us to lay the foundation of Intellectual Freedom for generations to come. India is striding towards a positive society, according to market trend studies India’s strength is our youth. Ever thought, what makes them so powerful? They are progressive.

#Life Hack: If each one of us accepts the challenge of progress being a personal responsibility then our nation will never have to look back. 

Earlier parents influenced our career choices, now they trust our decision. This generation is not waiting to join MNC’s, they dream about start-ups and building their future. They want to be entrepreneurs, and redefine their boundaries.

30ish is a cusp age group, You are well aware about the expectations of the previous generation, and still in sync with Gen-Y. This makes us more powerful and capable to drive change. Match this to a situation 100 years back, when our freedom fighters took the ownership of fighting for their rights. They did not wait for political leaders to take a step, instead formed power groups and chased every opportunity to stand for the pride of our motherland. A century back, they screamed “I am the change” now its our responsibility to own their legacy.  Endorse ‘I am the change’.

We have the capability and strength, there will be no modi-fication, unless you modify yourself. Collaborate and grow, there is so much talent around us, the first step could be to support each other. The virtual world gives us the liberty of time and space, believe in people.

Its not about big promises, but small steps in the right direction. Our Yuva* has the potential to take India to the next level, all we need to do is channelise their energy. 

Respect your individuality, its precious.

Jai Hind, 30ish

  

Am'Bitchious by choice

You are too Ambitious! 

First Reaction - I do not want to be judged,  its very unsettling (back foot)

Second Reaction - Screw you, I refuse to be an invisible woman 

Our Society is averse to change. This is not a gender issue we are intimidated by someone who challenges life, probably a reflection of our own fear.

#Life Hack : You will grow, only if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Before setting out on my own every time I went for an interview, they asked me "where do you see yourself 5 years from now". I tried having a standard answer but the interviewers attitude changed my response, I did not see myself working with him. My interviews were on the borderline of being tagged as rebellious, I had too many ideas that challenged their rules.

30ish and an entrepreneur is a deadly combination, you just challenged the entire universe to have an opinion about your life.  Not that I care, but when someone tells me to ‘slowdown’ I want to punch their face. Keeping this post short, giving you time to think of how every time you thought 'out of the box', you were shoved back in the box and locked.

I write this post to all those friends and readers who at some point felt judged for dreaming big. Be stubborn about what matters to you, it feels great to prove everyone wrong. Sometimes you have to be fierce to protect your sparkle, its justified.
  

'Take Light', Hyderabad style

I visited Hyderabad like a first timer on my 20^th trip.  This time the only difference was that I followed their life motto ,“Light Le Re”. Everytime there was panic and delay, a random person walked up to me and said “kuch nahi hoga re, light tisco”. 

#Life Hack : No matter how old you are, they will call you Amma or Pottie (chick), can't decide which one is worse! Girls please take it light :D 

I was in Hyderabad for a photography assignment and what took me by surprise was their fascination for Wall Art. A husband-wife team of Vijaya and Swathi use graffiti as an expression of art. They love to showcase Hyderabad’s cultural vibe through these paintings. Vibrant colors in true Hyderabadi style gives you a feel of downtown LA. Please include this in your next itinerary.

Another unbelievable phenomena of this city is their love for Telegu Soup’er Stars. I experienced this, thanks of the release of a recent blockbuster. Tollywood fans dance, burst crackers outside the theatre and watch the same movie 3-5 times. If you ever wish to experience stardom then head to Hyderabad. An average Mumbaikar can pass off as an upcoming movie star, they are quite liberal about their beauty standards.

They experienced more bandh's than working days in the last couple of years, thanks to the political confusion but there's something very Nawabi about the locals. Stress is not what happens to them, its their response that takes them to another level. #HyderabadSWAG

PhotoblogHER went all out on street photography. 

Hyderabad has to be relished, like their Biryani. It belongs to the young at heart old timers, if you know what I mean.